Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

 Hi guys. Really not in the mood to express anything lately. Not because nothing happened, but too many things had happen in quite short period of time. Drives my expression system crazy. Sometimes I don't even know what to feel. Crazy, isn't it? And it's happen to be that tomorrow English classes is postponed due to some reason, so I kinda have much time to think what to put in here this time. Still working on the contents by the time I wrote this so it might get upside down, a bit messy topic I guess. Hahah.

 I just finished watch one of the TEDTalk just now. It's about something that always come to my mind - Why Do We Do What We Do? Here's the LINK. I always went to TED websites for their talks. I found it interesting and the speakers are somehow really cool and the talk are kinda easy to understand. Plus, it have subtitles option on the web.

 So why do we do what we do huh? From what I have been through all these years, what I do is much because that's the BEST I think I can do. Besides, it also because of my belief, Islam and my eagerness to impress others; especially my parent. And from the talk that I just heard we do what we do because of fulfilment. Fulfilment to our desire, needs and belief. For me, yeah, it is true. We do anything to fulfil our feeling toward something, our desire to have a better life and our faith to do thing for our belief.

 In Standard 6, I'd my UPSR. I do my best on that exam. Why? Because it's my fulfilment for my future. I want to get into good secondary school and thanks God, my hardwork paid. A year later, I went to SMU(A)MML, one of the top school in Kelantan (I guess. Haha). Two years later, I sat my PMR examination. Throughout the year, I do my best to get the best out of me for this exam. Why? Because I believe that moving out to other school was something great. I got great result for PMR and offered to go to Sekolah Alam Shah in KL. I went. And not more than 1 month, I was back in Maahad Muhammadi Lelaki. Ashamed. Hahah. This one I don't really know why, but it's not as what I thought it will be when I was there. Homesick. Day full of study, books and revision. I thought I might die due to this. Hahah.

 In Form 4, we as a religous school student had our SMU; Sijil Menengah Ugama. It's an examination of religious subject that we learned; Hadith, Quran, Tafsir, History of Islam and so on. And it's in fully Arabic which I don't really master. And patheticly, I only managed to get 2 Mumtaz (Excellence) out of 10 subject. And it's just Bahasa and English subject. Until this day I still haven't mastered Arabic. On the last year of my secondary school, we had our SPM. The biggest exam student will face. The exam that mostly said as the key to our future. I don't really hold to that saying. For me exam is merely just an exam, to test our brain at that moment. If we want to change our life, we can do it anytime. We just have to figure it out how. There must be a way. But, I also want to get to a best university so that I can pursue my ambition which I don't really knew what. That whole year was hectic. On the day, I got school to attend. Then evening full of extra classes. The night come with tuition at several places in a week. It's like my brain was only concentrating on what the exam question will ask. I was kinda bad in communication which resulting me as a lone ranger at most time. I don't really talk to people. Tend to be alone, I like it. And Alhamdulillah, my hardwork has been paid by the good result that I got.


 After few days of thinking where I want to continue my studies, I decided to go to IIUM in engineering course. That's when I was kinda adrift. On the first two semester, I was okay. My study pattern was still like when I was in Form 5. I still bad in making friends or triggering any communication. But then, I started to join society and event held by the club or universities. I enjoy taking photos and making poster and everything that's not engineering. And some of my friends had changed courses and joining Economics courses. My mind started to collapse. Thinking this and that. And my objective was deviated. I started to think - is this what I really want? To be an engineer? And that time my study pattern changed. I started to felt that I don't think I really want all this. On the few last weeks of second semester, I also applied to change course - I applied to change to Architecture. With my mind telling me that I my application would go through, I ignore my final exam. I just sat the exam so that I just pass the subject, not to get the best out of me. I lost interest to study harder in engineering. And the next semester, when the result of application out, I didn't got through. My pointer already low, and it's painful to accept it. My stubbornness killed me. It's really really hard to increase pointer, and amazingly easy to drop it. With the subject that getting more difficult, I know this gonna end, not as what I expect when I got in. So, before the final exam on the final semester, I already sent an application to UniKL to continue in Multimedia. And now, here I am. Two years behind of everybody at my age. It's hurt. Always feel humiliated. But that's it. I made decision and I have to accept it. Besides, life is a test. Whatever happens, happens.

 Now, I trying my best not to let myself down again. Even it's hurt to see me behind my friends in studies, I believe that there's something behind this. Right now, the semester haven't been really hard yet. I manage to understand most of the thing easily. And hopefully I gonna end successfully here. Everything that I'd done was a fulfilment; to fulfil my need to my future, to make my parent and friends proud of me. But sometimes I let the bad sides of my emotion got on the line. We have to control our emotions so that the positive emotion always be at our side.


 We also do things to fulfil our faith towards our deen. Islam told us to be caliph on this world. And to be caliph, we have to do our best, no matter in what aspects; attitude, behaviour, demeanor and so on. How can we be a caliph if we can't even live on our own.

So get the best out of us! Wallahu 'alam...

// aku tak tau apa aku bebel ni, aku just tulis apa yang terlintas je. abaikan penggunaan grammar English yang tidak tepat jauh kelaut antartika sebab aku memang tak reti English. Saje tulis in English sebab aku rasa aku boleh master English ni. Hahaha.