Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

 Baru je last week masuk duit, and guess what?!

Minggu ni dah tinggal I don't know how to describe it. Pening betol aku dengan duit ni. Rasa takde buat apa pun, belanja pun makan minum minyak - itu je. Lepas settle bayar sewa rumah, belom lagi segala bil semua, tapi tapi tapi dah half je tinggal. T.T

Dah banyak bulan aku try manage dengan betul duit duit tu, yet nothing happen. Except for February, aku rasa agak sukses perbelanjaan bulan tu. Duit cukup-cukup sampai end of month and ada la balance sikit. Tapi bulan lain-lain, hampeh. Cukup-cukup bulan lesap semua. Kosong! Empty! Ada lah try cari makan dengan kamira, but still tak kemana jugak. Lagipun tak berani nak offer kerja sangat sebab takde equipment sangat. Just body dengan satu lens dengan experience yang tak seberapa. Heh. Sesungguhnya banyak gila lagi benda aku kena explore kena belajar kena lalui.


Sakit gak la dah lepas belasan tahun, tapi perihal duit perihal belanja semua kelaut.  Dengan keadaan ekonomi yang sekarang ni, gila nak survive for another 30 years. Mana-mana perlu duit. Haih.

Hopefully money management aku bertambah lebih baik pasni and dapat jana sikit duit dengan usaha sendiri. Sikit pun dikira improvement jugak. InsyaAllah...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...
Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

  Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah yang mana telah bagi memberi kepanjangan umur untuk aku hidup di bumi yang penuh misteri ni.

Happy 21st birthday John! Semua yang aku tulis ni ada dalam surat .21 nih. ;)

  Perhh I AM TWENTY ONE! Cepat gila masa berlalu. Still aku rasa macam blur lagi dengan diri sendiri. Soalan - soalan biasa yang kalau ditanya kat orang lain rasanya senang je nak jawab, tapi bagi aku still complicated; favorited color, favorited food or drink, favorite place. Inikan pulak soalan yang lagi complicated bagi orang lain. Sesungguhnya soalan yang subjektif ni memang susah nak dirungkai and to most questions biasanya aku jawab:

"Entahlaaa belalang..."

  Sepanjang hayat, umur 20 tahun aku rasa paling mencabar setakat ni. Macam - macam benda aku lalui hadapi. I dropped myself from IIUM and then made a major u-turn to enroll myself to UniKL Dip. Multimedia Programme. Kalau orang lain maybe dah habis diploma or dah masuk degree, academically aku still struggle to get myself right. Biarlah apa orang nak kata, asalkan aku tak give up! Well tu dari segi academically lah...

  Socially? I guess aku masih sama dengan aku yang Darjah 3, or Darjah 6, or Form 1 or Form 3, 4, 5. Sama! Takde beza!  Hardly to talk to others except you guys start it first and still nervous gila vav* dengan makhluk dikenali sisters or girl or perempuan, whichever you call it lah. Haha! Sometimes I feel it as blessing. Why? Sebab takde laa aku berani nak approach crush-crush aku and risk to be brokenhearted is small. Hahahah. But, honestly, sometimes ada la tension tu. Orang lain bahagia dengan bakal zaujah bakal zauj diorang, ada yang dah plan detail nak kahwin and whatsoever, aku still setia dengan kamira jek! Haha! A truely materialistic guy. Hahahaha! Tapi kesah apa aku, ada jodoh, sampai masa nanti jumpa lah jugak kan? InsyaAllah. Sesungguhnya Allah sebaik-baik perancang. :)

  Kadang-kadang aku ni macam banyak personaliti je aku rasa. Kejap-kejap ignoramusi. Tak kesah langsung hal orang lain, buat dunno jek. Malas nak sebok. Haha. Sometimes aku jadi sensitive sangat pulak. Tengok cerita touching sikit dah meleleh mata. Haha jeng! Orang buat lawak sikit pun kadang dah keluar air mata gak. Tak tahulah a disease or what. Tapi serious masa baca Twitter dapat tahu pemergian Allahyarham TGNA, aku memang ketar and sebak. Tak tahu kenapa tapi memang terasa even sekali or dua je jumpa secara dekat. Moga TGNA ditempatkan bersama para solihin dan para anbiya'. InsyAllah.

  Dalam banyak-banyak benda, benda yang aku rasa memang diri aku adalah I'm An Observer. Aku suka duk sorang pada satu sudut and perhati semua benda. Jalan-jalan dengan member pun aku duduk belakang sekali and observe; tak guna mata, aku guna viewfinder kamira. And then aku dalam kelas memang allergic duduk depan or else aku jadi nervous and ketar ketar (lagi lagi kelas sejuk gilaaa!). Habis semua nota aku tak dapat selain sebab ketar, Kalau duk belakang bahagia je. And maybe that's why aku suka dengan kamira. It's give me a superpower to observe and keep it forever! And seriously aku tak suka dengan serabut. Dengar lagu kuat takpe as long as takde bunyi lain interrupt aku.

Dak mental! Hahaha!

  And maybe that' why aku suka sendiri je. Takde nak menyusahkan orang or sakitkan orang yang sememangnya impossible to predict. Kejap okay kejap mental. Tak paham wooo! Another thing is aku suka gilaa gilaaa ride entah kemana! Haha! Start moto then vroooommmm blah berlalu. Tapi tengok cuaca gak lah. Dah terlalu ribut, tengok moto je lah. Haha. Even moto cikai je, tapi ride tu best! And aku memang agak menjaga safety kit aku. Keluar memana mesti pakai jaket, helmet (ni wajib!) and kasut! Why? Sebab aku pun takut sebenarnya dengan cara tunggangan aku. Tak pernah nak slow biarpun moto tak laju mana pon. Haha! And aku suka tulis! Kalau tak, takdenya panjang gini aku melalut. Kah!

Tu je lah kott benda yang obvious pada aku menjelang 21 tahun lepas. Gila tak sangka aku still survive in this world. Alhamdulillah! :))  Hopefully meningkat umur mendekati mati ni aku dapat jadi a better person in every aspect. Maybe tak signifikan pun improvement tapi ada peningkatan from the 20-years-old me.

  So that's all je lah kott!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOHN FRIDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AFIQ FIDA'IY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEE!

ALL THE BEST, DEAR MYSELF!

Assalamualaikum!

(written on 16 Feb 2015, published on 2nd March '15. I'm 21 years and 1 day old. )

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

 Hi guys. Really not in the mood to express anything lately. Not because nothing happened, but too many things had happen in quite short period of time. Drives my expression system crazy. Sometimes I don't even know what to feel. Crazy, isn't it? And it's happen to be that tomorrow English classes is postponed due to some reason, so I kinda have much time to think what to put in here this time. Still working on the contents by the time I wrote this so it might get upside down, a bit messy topic I guess. Hahah.

 I just finished watch one of the TEDTalk just now. It's about something that always come to my mind - Why Do We Do What We Do? Here's the LINK. I always went to TED websites for their talks. I found it interesting and the speakers are somehow really cool and the talk are kinda easy to understand. Plus, it have subtitles option on the web.

 So why do we do what we do huh? From what I have been through all these years, what I do is much because that's the BEST I think I can do. Besides, it also because of my belief, Islam and my eagerness to impress others; especially my parent. And from the talk that I just heard we do what we do because of fulfilment. Fulfilment to our desire, needs and belief. For me, yeah, it is true. We do anything to fulfil our feeling toward something, our desire to have a better life and our faith to do thing for our belief.


 In Standard 6, I'd my UPSR. I do my best on that exam. Why? Because it's my fulfilment for my future. I want to get into good secondary school and thanks God, my hardwork paid. A year later, I went to SMU(A)MML, one of the top school in Kelantan (I guess. Haha). Two years later, I sat my PMR examination. Throughout the year, I do my best to get the best out of me for this exam. Why? Because I believe that moving out to other school was something great. I got great result for PMR and offered to go to Sekolah Alam Shah in KL. I went. And not more than 1 month, I was back in Maahad Muhammadi Lelaki. Ashamed. Hahah. This one I don't really know why, but it's not as what I thought it will be when I was there. Homesick. Day full of study, books and revision. I thought I might die due to this. Hahah.

 In Form 4, we as a religous school student had our SMU; Sijil Menengah Ugama. It's an examination of religious subject that we learned; Hadith, Quran, Tafsir, History of Islam and so on. And it's in fully Arabic which I don't really master. And patheticly, I only managed to get 2 Mumtaz (Excellence) out of 10 subject. And it's just Bahasa and English subject. Until this day I still haven't mastered Arabic. On the last year of my secondary school, we had our SPM. The biggest exam student will face. The exam that mostly said as the key to our future. I don't really hold to that saying. For me exam is merely just an exam, to test our brain at that moment. If we want to change our life, we can do it anytime. We just have to figure it out how. There must be a way. But, I also want to get to a best university so that I can pursue my ambition which I don't really knew what. That whole year was hectic. On the day, I got school to attend. Then evening full of extra classes. The night come with tuition at several places in a week. It's like my brain was only concentrating on what the exam question will ask. I was kinda bad in communication which resulting me as a lone ranger at most time. I don't really talk to people. Tend to be alone, I like it. And Alhamdulillah, my hardwork has been paid by the good result that I got.


 After few days of thinking where I want to continue my studies, I decided to go to IIUM in engineering course. That's when I was kinda adrift. On the first two semester, I was okay. My study pattern was still like when I was in Form 5. I still bad in making friends or triggering any communication. But then, I started to join society and event held by the club or universities. I enjoy taking photos and making poster and everything that's not engineering. And some of my friends had changed courses and joining Economics courses. My mind started to collapse. Thinking this and that. And my objective was deviated. I started to think - is this what I really want? To be an engineer? And that time my study pattern changed. I started to felt that I don't think I really want all this. On the few last weeks of second semester, I also applied to change course - I applied to change to Architecture. With my mind telling me that I my application would go through, I ignore my final exam. I just sat the exam so that I just pass the subject, not to get the best out of me. I lost interest to study harder in engineering. And the next semester, when the result of application out, I didn't got through. My pointer already low, and it's painful to accept it. My stubbornness killed me. It's really really hard to increase pointer, and amazingly easy to drop it. With the subject that getting more difficult, I know this gonna end, not as what I expect when I got in. So, before the final exam on the final semester, I already sent an application to UniKL to continue in Multimedia. And now, here I am. Two years behind of everybody at my age. It's hurt. Always feel humiliated. But that's it. I made decision and I have to accept it. Besides, life is a test. Whatever happens, happens.

 Now, I trying my best not to let myself down again. Even it's hurt to see me behind my friends in studies, I believe that there's something behind this. Right now, the semester haven't been really hard yet. I manage to understand most of the thing easily. And hopefully I gonna end successfully here. Everything that I'd done was a fulfilment; to fulfil my need to my future, to make my parent and friends proud of me. But sometimes I let the bad sides of my emotion got on the line. We have to control our emotions so that the positive emotion always be at our side.


 We also do things to fulfil our faith towards our deen. Islam told us to be caliph on this world. And to be caliph, we have to do our best, no matter in what aspects; attitude, behaviour, demeanor and so on. How can we be a caliph if we can't even live on our own.

So get the best out of us! Wallahu 'alam...

// aku tak tau apa aku bebel ni, aku just tulis apa yang terlintas je. abaikan penggunaan grammar English yang tidak tepat jauh kelaut antartika sebab aku memang tak reti English. Saje tulis in English sebab aku rasa aku boleh master English ni. Hahaha.

MEANING OF: flashback

1. a transition (in literary or theatrical works or films) to an earlier event or scene that interrupts the normal chronological development of the story.
2. an unexpected but vivid recurrence of the past experiences.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

 It's 2 May 2014 already, which mean my journey here in Centre For Foundation Studies IIUM Petaling Jaya are about to end. The final exam of the final subject is on 12 May, and then it's over! Two years of walking, running, stumbling and everything is finally has come to an end.

 The first week here was a a bit tense. Well, it the first time for everything - eat, sleep and everything with the persons I just met. Everything was just so awkward and nervous for me. So here is my post on the first week I'm here - HERE. But it wasn't the worst of all as I was not here with completely strangers. I'm entered here with some fellows from the previous high school. So, I wasn't really alone. Each time I found a free time, I gathered with them. This occured at most of time. Not until one or two month after. I know it's kinda bad that I don't get along with my new friends, new environment. But I rather describes myself as slow and steady person. I am who I am. For the records, I think in high school, my life was really flat. Yeah, it's nothing. Not until I'm in Form 5, where I started to get along with others. Go here and there. Made friends with everyone. Introversion, I think.

On the end of first semester. :)

Mathematics classmates on the second semester. :D

 After few semesters, I began to realize that I had to adapt with new environment. So I just go with the flow. I spent times with roommates. Enjoys eating and playing games together. Everyday just got better. I also let myself joined a club - Culture And Arts Club, where I gave my speech in front of a big number of audiences for the first time in my life! During the registration, they offered me to be a part of the committee members. So, I thought after give my name to them, I'm in. NO! I had to go for an interview. And then had to past an election session which need the participants to give a speech for about 5 minutes. I was like - I'm DEAD! Yeah, I never give a speech. Not even in Malay. And now I have to talk in English, front of a total about 200 students, for 300 seconds! I think that the most craziest thing I've done in my life! But thanks to Allah that I made it. I was elected to be the Assistant Head of D'Graphic! :D  My passion in photography also had help me a lot in living my life here. If it wasn't for photography, I absolutely ain't gonna gave the speech. Hahaha. I also had myself being a part of AMAL - the Alumni for Maahad. The first 3 semesters in CFS was kinda hectic for me. Almost every night I got meeting to go. And almost every weekend I went for outing, alone. Just me and my camera, exploring the city. :)

KLIA! It's has long story here. Haha. :)

Cycling with the Environment & Nature Club!

 Academically, I was quite okay in the first three semesters. The subjects taken were not really difficult, yet. I wasn't really a good student who always spend his time with books and notes. I just study when there's quiz or exam. And when the lectures ask for the tutorial set. That's me. I rarely went to library except when the lectures held the class there. I also not into study group things. I prefer to study alone, while listening to the songs and eating snacks. Haha. Even when there's group assignment, I'll do it by myself. That the bad thing about being me. I hardly communicate with others. I don't know why but that's how an Afiq Fida'iy works. After about one semesters, I'm no longer sticks to my fellows from hign school. Some of them continues overseas. mostly in Egypt/ And few change course to Economy which is not in the same campus. That's when I started to adapt with the surrounding. But that also the downfall of my academic. When my friends changed course I think that I should follow them. Simply because I think I can't do it. The courses become harder and harder. Yes, there are who excel. But it wasn't me. The next semester I tried to change program but rejected. My studies went down. My CGPA also worst. Seriously until now, I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe a new beginning can help me. I also starts to find my biggest passion, so that I know what I gonna be. Time is everything. Now I am 20. Some of my friend already started their degree and some already done with their diploma. But me, still struggling to know myself.

Dear roommates!

CAC 2012/2013 and 2013/2014 lines-up!

 After a year in CFS, I'm became more friendly with my roommates and classmates. On the first semester of the senior year, we went for a hiking at Broga Hill. Here the post. :D Before, I always had my lunch or dinner alone, but now I spend sometimes with them. Not everytime, just few times in a week. I still had my 'lone ranger' time 'cause I need them. Haha. I don't know why, but I really enjoy my time alone. I also has resigned from the CAC as I really hate had meeting all the time! Haha. No. Actually I just find myself too busy in these and those, so I need to reschedule my time. My last program with them was on the Annual Grand Meeting where the new lines-up of the committee membes are elected. I do enjoyed every programs that I had done with the club. I still look back at the photos that I took in every programs they ran. Yeah actually I always look back at the every photos I took when I'm free. Looking back at those photos somehow made me happy. Crazy a bit maybe. Hahaha.

:)

 Now, in the sixth semester, the final semester, I free from any societies in the campus. Just enjoying my last semester, and focus on the three subjects taken. Sometimes, I went to the talks and shows, just to fill up my time and make sure that I won't regret any of it. Even in the SMAC last month I still took photos, despite that I ain't attached to any society and that I have to borrow the camera from other. Still do it for my passion. I love taking pictures. And I also happen to have a disease that I think every single soul of my age is having - crush! Really hate it because I'm really bad with all this heart feeling. I don't know how and why and when. All of sudden, she's already stuck in my head. Honestly, its sick and good at the same time. See? Complicated huh! Really hoping for a happy ending though.

 So that's all the things that I wanna tell you guys, I think. And my roommates and I already planning for a short vacation right after our final exam next two weeks. So the next post maybe about that vacation! :))

All the best and good luck for me, you and you'll on the final exam!
May Allah ease us all. InsyaAllah.
Assalamualaikum. :)

p/s: Hope you're not some kind of grammar checker. I'm here to express not to impress.